One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery
\nplot as a Christmas gift… The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
\nWhen she asked me why, I replied, “Well, you still haven’t used
\nthe gift I bought you last year!”
\nAnd that’s how the fight started…..<\/p>\n
________________________________
\nMy wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
\nwhile we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want
\nto have Sex?’ ‘No,’ she answered. I then said, ‘Is that your
\nfinal answer?’
\nShe didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’
\nSo I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
\nAnd that’s when the fight started…
\n________________________________<\/p>\n
I took my wife to a restaurant.The waiter, for some reason,
\ntook my order first. “I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”
\nHe said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
\n“Nah, she can order for herself.”
\nAnd that’s when the fight started…..
\n________________________________<\/p>\n
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion,
\nand she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he
\nsat alone at a nearby table.
\nI asked her, “Do you know him?”
\n“Yes”, she sighed, “He’s my old boyfriend…. I understand he took
\nto drinking right after we split up those many years ago and I hear
\nhe hasn’t been sober since.”
\n“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating
\nthat long?”
\nAnd then the fight started…
\n________________________________<\/p>\n
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me
\nthat I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take
\ncare of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. It was always something more
\nimportant to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
\nWhen I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
\nsnipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for
\na short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute and
\nwhen I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said,
\n“When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.”
\nThe doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
\n_______________________________<\/p>\n
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked,
\n“What’s on TV?” I said, “Dust.”
\nAnd then the fight started…
\n________________________________ <\/p>\n
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch and
\nslipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and
\nproceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing
\n50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio and then
\nI discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the
\nhouse, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my
\nwife’s back, now with a different anticipation and whispered,
\n“The weather out there is terrible.”
\nMy loving wife of 5 years replied, “And, can you believe my stupid husband
\nis out fishing in that?”
\nAnd that’s how the fight started…
\n________________________________<\/p>\n
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
\nShe said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds .”
\nI bought her a bathroom scale.
\nAnd then the fight started……
\n_______________________________<\/p>\n
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
\nThe woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my
\nage. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the
\nwoman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
\nThe woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly
\nsilver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and
\nshe processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told
\nmy wife about my experience at the Social Security office… She said,
\n‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’
\nAnd then the fight started…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift… The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!” And that’s how the fight started….. ________________________________ My wife and I were […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[24],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nikhil.kunder.in\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/535"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nikhil.kunder.in\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nikhil.kunder.in\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nikhil.kunder.in\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nikhil.kunder.in\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=535"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/nikhil.kunder.in\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/535\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":537,"href":"https:\/\/nikhil.kunder.in\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/535\/revisions\/537"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nikhil.kunder.in\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=535"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nikhil.kunder.in\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=535"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nikhil.kunder.in\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=535"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}