Expressing Myself

Nobody teaches volvanoes to errupt, Tsunamis to arise, Hurricanes to swril.

No one teaches how to choose a wife … Natural disasters just happen!!!!

… to all women , lying under somebody in the bed and screaming “Oh! My GOD, Oh! My GOD!” will not be considered as PRAYER

I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider…

THE MAN RULES : AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN, WE ALWAYS HEAR ” the rules” FROM THE FEMALE SIDE. NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE. THESE ARE OUR RULES!
PLEASE NOTE.. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED “1” ON PURPOSE!

 

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT.
YOU’RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT’S UP, PUT IT DOWN.
WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN.
YOU DON’T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. SUNDAY SPORTS IT’S LIKE THE FULL MOON
OR THE CHANGING OF THE TIDES.
LET IT BE.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION..

1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT’S WHAT WE DO.
SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT.
IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU’RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE.
DON’T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING
OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE.
NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS. .

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT.
WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF IT ITCHES, IT will BE SCRATCHED.
WE DO THAT.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY “NOTHING,” WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING’S WRONG.
WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON’T WANT AN ANSWER TO,
EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR.

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE… REALLY .

1. DON’T ASK US WHAT WE’RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS BASEBALL
OR golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.
YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT;

 

BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON’T MIND THAT? IT’S LIKE CAMPING.

Mom’s are always the best and will always be no 1.

Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, “I’m tired, and it’s
getting late. I think I’ll go to bed.” She went to the kitchen to make

sandwiches for the next day’s lunches, rinsed out the popcorn bowls,
took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked

the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and
bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next
morning. She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of
clothes into the wash, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She
picked up the game pieces left on the table and put the telephone book

back into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket
and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for
the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher,
counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a textbook out
from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend,
addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the
grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom then washed her face
with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night Solution & age fighting
moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.

Dad called out, “I thought you were going to bed.” “I’m on my way,”she

said.

She put some water into the dog’s dish and put the cat outside, then
made sure the doors were locked. She looked in on each of the kids and

turned out their bedside lamp, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks

in the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still
doing homework.

In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next
day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6
most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and visualized

the accomplishment of her goals.

About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in
particular. “I’m going to bed.” And he did…without another thought.

Anything extraordinary here? Wonder why women live longer…? CAUSE
WE(Women) ARE MADE FOR THE LONG HAUL……

PS. Thanks to “Priya (Shweta)” for sending this forward … ND