Expressing Myself

Honored by Time magazine as the Man of the Century , Dr. Albert Einstein life has so many interesting stories … heres a few …

• One day during a speaking tour, Albert Einstein’s driver, who often sat at the back of the hall during his lectures, remarked that he could probably give the lecture himself, having heard it so many times. Sure enough, at the next stop on the tour, Einstein and the driver switched places, with Einstein sitting at the back in his driver’s uniform.
  Having delivered a flawless lecture, the driver was asked a difficult question by a member of the audience. “Well, the answer to that question is quite simple,” he casually replied. “I bet my driver, sitting up at the back there, could answer it…”

• Albert Einstein’s wife often suggested that he dress more professionally when he headed off to work. “Why should I?” he would invariably argue. “Everyone knows me there.” When the time came for Einstein to attend his first major conference, she begged him to dress up a bit. “Why should I?” said Einstein. “No one knows me there!”

• Albert Einstein was often asked to explain the general theory of relativity. “Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour,” he once declared. “Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity!”

• When Albert Einstein was working in Princeton university, one day he was going back home he forgot his home address. The driver of the cab did not recognise him. Einstein asked the driver if he knows Einstein’s home. The driver said “Who does not know Einstein’s address? Everyone in Princeton knows.Do you want to meet him?”. Einstein replied “I am Einstein. I forgot my home address, can you take me there? “The driver reached him to his home and did not even collect his fare from him .

  Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn’t find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn’t there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn’t find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn’t find it.

  The conductor said, ‘Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I’m sure you bought a ticket. Don’t worry about it.’

  Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.

  The conductor rushed back and said, ‘Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don’t worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don’t need a ticket. I’m sure you bought one.’

  Einstein looked at him and said, ‘Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don’t know is where I’m going.”

Nobody teaches volvanoes to errupt, Tsunamis to arise, Hurricanes to swril.

No one teaches how to choose a wife … Natural disasters just happen!!!!

… to all women , lying under somebody in the bed and screaming “Oh! My GOD, Oh! My GOD!” will not be considered as PRAYER

A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba) arrived from the US . It was sent
by one of the daughters.

The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:

Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,

I am sending Ba’s body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT.

Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.

You will find inside the coffin, under Ba’s body, cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.

On Ba’s feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha’s and Lakshmi’s sons. Hope the sizes are correct.

Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.

Just distribute the rest among yourselves.

The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.

The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba’s left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace,
earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her..

The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews.

Please distribute all these fairly.
Love Smita.

PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well nowadays.

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me….It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her ‘little’ sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome… She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister..
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word.
She said, ‘I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me..’

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord… and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, ‘We are very happy that you have passed our little test… We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family.’

And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car..

Has to the cartoon of the year … guess what … I’ m thinking,  Ad of the year

“Get your Diploma in Organised Crime .  Crash Courses offered in most cities.
GOVT. Recognised. Approved by LET .  
100% Placement…. Guaranteed!”

A young man was  planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if  his bride is a virgin.

The doctor  said, ‘Well, you need three things. A can of red paint, a  can of blue paint and a shovel..’

The man was  astonished and asked, ‘So what do I do with these?’

The doc  replied, ‘Before the wedding night, you paint your one ball  red and the other ball blue.   If she says, ‘That’s the strangest pair of balls I ever saw’, you hit her head with the shovel.’

Hotel Kerlafonia not by the eagles



I AM A MALAYALEE ORIGINAL VERSION

India’s ANSWER to USHER

I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider…

Picture paints a Thousand words …. and as Juliet (Shakespeare) says : “What’s in a name?” …
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